How To Say NO Without Feeling Guilty: Set Boundaries, Stop People Pleasing & Codependency
Setting Boundaries: How to Say No and STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER without Feeling Guilty! This is how to set boundaries and How To Stop People Pleasing WITHOUT BEING RUDE! Many people fear setting boundaries in their relationships, both in life and business (at work), or that they will push people away in the process, but this is not true. Do you have “the disease to please”? People pleasing syndrome, aka “codependency,” refers to a person who has an emotional need to please others, often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires, meaning they are being codependent.
It’s time to take your power back and be respected to get what you want in life! Self-growth and Personal Development require you to raise your standards and Learn How to Stop Being a People Pleaser without Feeling Guilty! Learn How To Stop Saying Yes When You Want To Say No and Teach People How To Treat You, so you can be Codependent No More with this little learning lesson full of tips and tricks I’ve picked up from my own experience as a digital nomad and entrepreneur!
PS I made you a video to go along with this post (you can watch it down below)
How To Start Saying NO & Stop Being A People Pleaser!
How do you stop saying yes when you really mean to say no?
I’m sure this happens all the time— Someone asks you to do something you don’t really want to do, or you don’t want to commit to. But somehow, you say yes anyway.
- Maybe they talk you into it…
- Maybe you feel guilty…
- Or maybe you just freeze in the moment and go along with it.
Then, when it’s time to follow through, you’re thinking:
- “Ugh, I wish I hadn’t agreed to this.”
- “Why didn’t I just say NO?”
- And now, you’re stuck trying to figure out how to get out of it.
I used to be that person — Always waiting on everyone else. Saying yes to everything and everyone. I was the “yes chick.” 🙋♀️ 🤦♀️
But once I realized what I was doing… everything changed for me.
👆 That’s what I wanted to talk to you about today.
What will you accomplish by saying YES vs NO?
What’s your end goal?
Whenever I’m trying to make a decision—especially when things aren’t going the way I hoped, or I’m unsure whether to say yes or no—I ask myself: What’s the benefit?
I hate to sound selfish, but honestly, I ask myself:
- What’s the benefit for me?
- What’s the value I’m going to get out of this in the end?
Maybe it’s just a little piece of mind or happiness in my heart — And hey, sometimes I’m good with that! But sometimes, the benefit might be more tangible:
- Am I going to make some money?
- Is this a move that’s going to help me long-term in my business?
These are the questions I ask myself before I commit to anything.
End Goal = How YOU can Benefit!
What exactly are you saying yes to? And does it actually align with your end goal?
This is something I check in with myself about constantly. Honestly, it’s not even subconscious—it’s a conscious choice I make.
I’m always thinking:
- Is this person good for me?
- Will this person or event be helpful for my life and/or business? — or hurting it?
- Is this person draining me, my life, and business: time, energy, or focus?
- Is this thing I’m about to buy actually worth the money, or could I use that money somewhere smarter?
And don’t forget— Saying yes doesn’t just apply to people. You could be saying yes to:
- Buying something you don’t need
- Spending time where it doesn’t serve you
- Prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own
Because every time you say YES to someone else… You might be saying NO to yourself.
Planning VS Taking Action!
Are you planning—or actually taking action?
This was really hard for me. I was always planning… I had all these great ideas about what I was going to do, and kept telling myself:
- “One day this is going to happen…”
- “One day that’s going to happen…”
But I was always saying: “Well, when this thing happens… then I’ll take action!”
>> Learn How To Start ANYTHING this year!
Make the most of MINI Moments
I can’t really put this into words any easier than to say: There’s always something you can be doing proactively.
Even if you’re just waiting on a video file to upload— You can still be taking action!
- You can work on your titles, descriptions, and tags.
- Maybe you go ahead and add your video to your blog, so that part’s already started.
- Or maybe you have a weekly email that needs writing or editing.
Even if you’re just on hold, in line, or waiting around… If you have a MINI moment of free time—USE IT and make the most of it.
There are so many small things you can start the process on while you’re waiting (or Finish up something you started).
Stay Focused On YOUR End Goals
Whenever you’re talking about trying to get to the next phase of where you’re going—and your end goal— you really want to be dead-centered and focused on:
- “What can I be doing to get me there?”
- “Is what I’m doing in this moment—this thing I’m saying yes or no to—helping or hurting my business?” Is it helping me move forward? — Or could I be spending my time in a better way?
That is exactly how my thought process works as an entrepreneur.
Dealing With People Pleasing Syndrome aka Codependency
This is kind of personal to me. I may have shared this a while back, but I figured—why not go ahead and talk about it?
I’m sure some of you also deal with this, but maybe you don’t know the term…
It’s called codependency!
If you’re one of those people who are always trying to make other people happy— and you find yourself wondering:
“Why am I not happy?”
Then you’re probably dealing with this too.
Asking The Doctor For A Cure
I went through this for the longest time!
I actually had to go see this psychiatrist or psychologist (I don’t know what to call them), but I was sitting in their office one day, having a mental breakdown.
This was a couple of years ago, and I just vividly remember it—because it completely changed my perspective.
I looked up the word “codependency” because the doctor had mentioned it to me.
He said:
“You keep telling me about everyone else and all these people… But I never hear anything about YOU and what you want! You keep telling me what everybody else wants, and how you’re doing all this stuff to make everyone else happy. Have you ever heard of the term codependency?”
So I started thinking about it…
I went home and looked up the word codependency — and then I never went back to the doctor again.
Learning To Stop Pleasing People
It completely changed my perspective on what codependency really is — and why I was acting the way I was.
It was something that had almost been engraved in me since childhood… A bad habit turned mental illness that I didn’t even realize I had!
I had learned all my codependent tendencies from watching what my parents did — or what the people around me did.
So I just kind of learned to say yes to people… and became a people pleaser.
Be Selfish If You Want To Be Successful
I had to kind of — I guess you’d say—grow some balls, and that changed my perspective.
Now, I will say… I’m kind of selfish.
You always think other people are working on themselves as much as you’re working on yourself — and that is totally not true!
Whatever it is, people are often just really focused on themselves, and not on the end goal or the long-term vision.
So if you have a big goal you’re working toward, ask yourself:
- Are all these little things I’m doing sabotaging that?
- Or are they moving me closer to where I want to be—toward my goals?
Yes, Girl to NO Girl Mentality
Another thing is, you always think other people have your best interests at heart. Especially people like me (like I said), dealing with this codependency thing.
I’ve gotten better about it, but I used to believe:
“Oh, everybody’s working toward a happy place.– They all just want to cheer me on and help make my business succeed.”
That’s not exactly true. I learned that the hard way.
So I went from being a yes girl to a no girl. I’m a no girl now. And like I said, I used to always plan around other people and their plans. Now, I plan around what I want to make happen.
I ask myself:
- “What am I trying to do?”
- “Write a book? Get a video out?”
What are the things I want to accomplish — and what needs to happen to make that goal a reality?
- On a certain day
- At a certain time
- Or within a certain time frame
That way, I feel satisfied, and everything stays on track.
Because the truth is — there are other people involved in my process. And if one thing goes awry, there’s a ripple effect that happens behind the scenes… One that people don’t always see.
Be Consistent
You want to be consistent, which is one reason why I even said, “Hey, I want to be a better person—I’m going to start posting more often, more frequently.”
One: to get better faster—even at my timing, because I’m trying to get faster on recording.
Not to be quick, just to be better and more natural when I’m talking to the camera. Because I really want it to feel more like I’m talking to a person — versus just speaking to thin air.
Even though most of the time, I am speaking to thin air — when I really wish we were talking face-to-face. Although… kind of we are, but I wish we were really talking face-to-face.
Consistency matters either way, so I’m trying to post more frequently!
Ongoing Updates
If you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube Channel I share tons of resources about business branding social media and how you can make all of these things work in one big circle for your business.
So I figured I’d share some business updates too. What am I working on this week? Organization, I’m trying to get organized this week, I’ve been working on that, but I really have been trying to get a system together.
I’ve been recording on the road and had some prescheduled content, but I’ve been gone for about half the month to San Diego, CA. I flew across the country on a one-way flight and then drove 2,000 miles back across the country in the Smart Car I bought! It’s a whole other story!
About My Book…
I’ve been focusing on my end goal now, which is my book I mentioned it long time ago, and I said it would be out, then it got delayed, but I finally have it out now. I hate that I didn’t show up to get it out sooner or on time, but it’s done now! It’s about branding. I’ve been sharing more details as they’ve unfolded. I have a lot being planned behind the scenes and people that I’m talking to and working with, and so much going on! Yet, I’m trying to get back to all my emails that I’ve been kind of distant from since being gone, working on my book, and the BIG Life-Changing Adventure I went on!
>> How I Make Money Writing Books Online for FREE
What are your Thoughts?
Now you know how to say no instead of yes! When you’re really saying yes but you mean no! I’m teaching you how to say no! Hopefully, this gives you some perspective about what helps me do my thing.
I want to hear what your end goal is? What are you working on? Are you trying to sell a product or are you trying to sell a service? Do you already sell a product or service? Put that in the comments below!
And make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel, who knows, I might be featuring you in one of my next videos, answering your questions. I will see you in the next video. Thanks for watching!
ABOUT ME:
If we haven’t officially met, Hi, I’m Blogging Brandi, an EX-Corporate Kool-Aid Drinker, born to be blogger, creator, Entrepreneur, and Digital Nomad who LOVES RV Living, since it keeps me close to Nature! Although you can catch me from time to time on an airplane, in a hotel, Airbnb, as I can WORK FROM ANYWHERE, not just my RV. I’m also an all-natural, introverted, God Fearing, Rescue Dog Mom, but most importantly, a Writer and Creator! Plus, you might not know I have a Finance Degree and am licensed in Master Cosmetology! I believe you can have many passions, create multiple streams of income, and don’t have to conform to the norm!
Got Questions? I’ve got answers…
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Related:
- How to Stop Being a People Pleaser without Feeling Guilty
- Setting Boundaries: How to Say No and Stop Being a People Pleaser without Feeling Guilty
- How To Stop People Pleasing
- how to set boundaries & stop people pleasing | stop feeling guilty & be respected with examples
- This video was originally posted on my old Bloggin Brandi YouTube Channel and is part of my deleted scenes series, but it’s been updated and “Republished” here!
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